03-19-2015, 04:50 AM
(generally)Written in Ballad meter, alternating lines of iambic tetrameter and iambic trimeter with an XAXA rhyme pattern in Quatrains.
Who dares challenge father-god Zeus? A line of trochee?
De-i-ty of the cloud? (should actually be sky, he was not god of the clouds)
Within his grasp lies lightning strong,
(Enthroned), he sits so proud. (First two actual lines of ballad meter)
And whom would swim to Poseidon? (Should have 4 stressed syllables, never two unstressed together)
To try his trident true? (good line of iambic trimeter)
He rides upon great steeds of foam,
With mood he makes storms brew. (Not sure the last line makes a lot of sense, but the last two lines are ballad meter)
And so on...
Seems an awfully long way to get to the punch line at the end. This is written like the writer wrote the whole poem just so he would have a reason for the last line. Little other consideration seems to have been made for the rest of the poem. As it is a humorous poem (more or less), such manipulation is generally acceptable, but this is the only type of piece in which it would be acceptable. Still, it would be better to strive for some depth, rather than the rote treatment of the three gods. Here is this god, this is what he does, would you dare challenge him? Repeat three times.
The meter, obviously, is all over the place. While some looseness in meter is acceptable in a humorous poem, the meter here which at times is non-existent is completely disruptive to the reading. This is something that must be corrected.
You have picked a good meter to practice with, Ballad Meter is one of the more simpler forms of formal poetry. Probably the easiest metered form is iambic tetrameter with rhyming couplets. That might be another form to practice on. Try looking up the words in the dictionary and seeing if they are accented/stressed or not. Oftentimes small words will be unaccented or neutral. Neutral words can be either stressed or unstressed depending on what words are around them. Although these types of guidelines will not allow you to master meter (if there is such a thing), they are a good place to start.
The joke was clever and I am sure a number of people will find it humorous.
Welcome to the site,
Dale
Who dares challenge father-god Zeus? A line of trochee?
De-i-ty of the cloud? (should actually be sky, he was not god of the clouds)
Within his grasp lies lightning strong,
(Enthroned), he sits so proud. (First two actual lines of ballad meter)
And whom would swim to Poseidon? (Should have 4 stressed syllables, never two unstressed together)
To try his trident true? (good line of iambic trimeter)
He rides upon great steeds of foam,
With mood he makes storms brew. (Not sure the last line makes a lot of sense, but the last two lines are ballad meter)
And so on...
Seems an awfully long way to get to the punch line at the end. This is written like the writer wrote the whole poem just so he would have a reason for the last line. Little other consideration seems to have been made for the rest of the poem. As it is a humorous poem (more or less), such manipulation is generally acceptable, but this is the only type of piece in which it would be acceptable. Still, it would be better to strive for some depth, rather than the rote treatment of the three gods. Here is this god, this is what he does, would you dare challenge him? Repeat three times.
The meter, obviously, is all over the place. While some looseness in meter is acceptable in a humorous poem, the meter here which at times is non-existent is completely disruptive to the reading. This is something that must be corrected.
You have picked a good meter to practice with, Ballad Meter is one of the more simpler forms of formal poetry. Probably the easiest metered form is iambic tetrameter with rhyming couplets. That might be another form to practice on. Try looking up the words in the dictionary and seeing if they are accented/stressed or not. Oftentimes small words will be unaccented or neutral. Neutral words can be either stressed or unstressed depending on what words are around them. Although these types of guidelines will not allow you to master meter (if there is such a thing), they are a good place to start.
The joke was clever and I am sure a number of people will find it humorous.
Welcome to the site,
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.