Seuss Saves the Night (edit 3)

[ellajam]

I think the edit reads smoothly - lovely image! I didn't mind the repetition of words - that's what kids love.

Thanks for the read, JM, much appreciated. I thought the repeats were fun and gave a sense of the experience but it seems most thought it more irritating than funny. Thanks for getting it.

hi ella. just a few comments on the edit.
who are grands? are they grandparents. or grandpa?

in truth i think it bloody lovely ella, though i am struggling to work out what's going on. i know a child is involved and the seuss book/ebook but need a few transitions or indications as to who is who and what is what

edit one (Jeremy and Loretta Young, first_high)

Grands Do Seuss

Upset by an abrupt bedtime drop-off,
finally finished with "But, I want Dad"  i was once told to place quotes on their own lines, while it's not always workable, i think it is in this poem [it would add a bit of tension]
he sneaks a sidelong glance at the I-Pad.
"What percent do you have? I like Green Eggs and Ham."
We consider the choices: Read to me, read it myself, auto-play. i'm not exactly sure who's saying what and why?

Out leaps Sam. "I am Sam, Sam I am."
A flick turns the page, each word repeated
as many times as a young finger can click.
Sam still tries the unknown; we still grin when he likes it.

In makeshift pajamas fashioned
from drawstring Capris his aunt left behind,
giggles break through sleepover tears.

Hey, Billy, thanks for the read and notes. Grands are grandparents or grandkids, in this case both, Seuss bridging of the generation gap, but I guess that didn't work. Bad when the title makes the poem even murkier. I'll try to think of something better.

The how to read the book is how the kids' ebooks start, wrong of me to assume that was common knowledge, I'll try to clarify.

Thanks for the bloody lovely comment, it encourages me to try to sort this out, I must remember to be so kind to others.

Hi ella, in both editions I cannot tell who is who, or really what the setup is, or why it is that way. I would like to know those things as it provides context for the piece.

Here is an example with how you are writing things.

"Upset by an abrupt bedtime drop-off,   who is upset and what is a bed drop-off
finally finished with "But, I want Dad""    what is finally finished "with" the bed drop off, or the "But, I want Dad"?

why is the (we assume little girl) child saying, "but, I want my dad" Does this mean the child has her mother instead but wants her father there, or is it a sibling or her grandmother? I get so caught up in trying to decide these things I cannot get into the story. I am all for brevity, but not at the sake of clarity.

context please,

Dale

I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON! WHY DON'T YOU?  
Thank you Dale, I thought it was just boredom with bad poetry that had members passing this by, I had no idea the image was so fuzzy, my mind knows every detail.

There is a he in L4, so that should have killed the little girl, but I can see your head was already spinning from bedtime drop-off so it was a lost cause from the start. I am sure you were not alone.

I'll surely rethink this with your frustration in mind, did you get past S1, anything at all solid for you?

Much appreciate the time you took to comment, I'll try to fill the gaps.