03-18-2015, 04:20 AM
Hi Dale: Yes, I realize the first couplet has to go, will probably reword the first 4 lines. As to "virgin" I took that as symbolism for new and to suggest a season, and I thought it might reflect her newness in the beginning.
I appreciate the lesson in metrics, I have not concentrated on the beginning words enough, what does the lines being half-headed mean?
I really had no thought of portraying the girl as ugly; but wounded on the inside, and in life, destroyed;where do you see her has physically ugly? And did not mean to portray her as a witch; just beset by evil. The story about the witch is very interesting though.
My intention was to render the girl destroyed not ugly.
And you think the last line decreases the energy of the poem, because it takes contemplation or? I though of it as a statement of irony, about time and change, but if it weakens the poem I will have to think about it, possibly delete it.
Shallow, that is very interesting, I would love to know how you find it and if you have any suggestion for resolution.
Thank you so much Dale, for taking the time to read this. I have a lot to think about, and edit. Do you think this poem is worth my time or do you think I should can it.
The masterpiece; a very long time, I just started little over a year ago and it just gets more complex. Thanks again, Loretta
I appreciate the lesson in metrics, I have not concentrated on the beginning words enough, what does the lines being half-headed mean?
I really had no thought of portraying the girl as ugly; but wounded on the inside, and in life, destroyed;where do you see her has physically ugly? And did not mean to portray her as a witch; just beset by evil. The story about the witch is very interesting though.
My intention was to render the girl destroyed not ugly.
And you think the last line decreases the energy of the poem, because it takes contemplation or? I though of it as a statement of irony, about time and change, but if it weakens the poem I will have to think about it, possibly delete it.
Shallow, that is very interesting, I would love to know how you find it and if you have any suggestion for resolution.
Thank you so much Dale, for taking the time to read this. I have a lot to think about, and edit. Do you think this poem is worth my time or do you think I should can it.
The masterpiece; a very long time, I just started little over a year ago and it just gets more complex. Thanks again, Loretta