Cicada summer - final edit

[billy]

only just started getting back in to feedback so missed the two other attemps. [i'll just comment on this one]
i like the poem, i'm a sucker for nature poems. standing back i get the feeling the poet is concentrating too much on enjambment and brevity and missing out on telling the poem they want to tell [just conjecture on my part] i think it can be lipped in some place and extended in others

you can hear a faint ecstatic choir
a faint ecstatic choir

i don't think you need to edit to much more. just concentrate on the enjambment and the connective tissue

#2 Edit


At dawn they escape
seventeen years underground
climb up into light so bright  feels cheesy [it's the only way i can say it. the bright light part]
they can only cling helplessly.  [can only] feels unnecessary
Twigs and reeds sag under their weight,
pendulate, paused while their shells  what pendualtes? them or the twig?
darken and split, revealing
glittering black gargoyles with

red pinhead eyes. They crawl free i like the image, it has a certain nasty quality
leaving husks like shucked gloves.
Thumb-sized wings pump,
stretch and set. Then
the din begins - before flying
they reproduce their pain:
agony of first light, struggle  2nd light, your choice but would another word do?
to change, ruptured skin, 
birth shock, stretching wings - been said 6 lines above
all given voice until the air shakes
and shrieks like an unoiled machine.
Disguised inside that alien finale
coming and going like radio waves
you can hear a faint ecstatic choir
like the one in St. Augustine’s cathedral good simile to end on
that so frightened you as a child.