Filling the Pussy

[billy]

sometimes the more a point is pointed out the more weight it carries.
no defence for 'puter i just used it with the apostrophe to make it fit the meter. which it's? ah. i see which one, well spotted. it's things like that that shouldn't really happen if you post in serious. i'll fix it on the edit. without arguing, i do have to ask why you can't title a poem about a cat that is a bank as i did? i think pretentious could be the correct word for it, another one that comes to mind is fluff. i do try and write serious poetry at times though. thanks for seeing the sonnet as having rhyme and meter [though i did have a rhyme that's wonky.] it really was what i was aiming for. next time i write a sonnet i'll forgo the rhyme and meter . on a more serious note; more than anything thanks for taking the time to read and reply it's appreciated more than you know. ><

As it seems meter and rhyme have been thoroughly covered by some other members, I wanted to address some of the diction problems in this poem. First, "puter" seems out of place, given the rest of the poem does not rely on vernacular. Side-note, I believe "it's" should be "its." The addition of the bike to your list seems repetitive, you already have (or can't pay for) a mode of transportation. I would substitute something more useful to the poem. In all honesty though, there's just something incredibly annoying about this poem that I can't quite pin down. It's like it's pretentious in a non-pretentious way. Maybe it's just my aversion to poems with rhyme and meter. Also, the title is out of place in the poem. You can't title a poem that uses the words "laden" and "dullish bright" Filling the Pussy. I get the joke, but it's out of place with the rest of the poem.