The Fence

[Leah S.]

I watch the ghosts in the evening haze
along the pasture fence.
We built that fence fifty years ago,
my back wet from driving pick and shovel,
placing the posts exactly where Grandfather pointed.
My aching fingers like broken sticks
from stretching barbed wire in perfect lines
on posts flawlessly spaced.
He towered above me.
"Build it well," he said,
"and it will last longer than we will."
A breeze swirls the ghosts and haze away
from the glistening taut wire.

I like the revision, but still think the final stanza could be further refined. The ghosts are what's important, but you lead with the breeze. Maybe 'The ghost-haze swirls away in the breeze' ? That would leave you with a separate sentence for the last line and you could hammer home the image of the enduring fence that remains even after the ghosts have faded away and left it unhaunted. Carry on. Leah.