file under L for Lost

[Leah S.]

After reading other crits, some suggestions:
(they're all rearranged line breaks and punctuation.)

malfunctioning lights
whine
and flicker
off once-white tiles

a drop of blood
falls
from your nostril
in slow motion

exploding

small puffs of powder
from
the off-white line
on the cistern

heavy gravity
in the v of dive:

it’s happy hour

I still love the last stanza, it packs so much into three lines.

Carry on. Leah

malfunctioning lights
whine and flicker
off once-white tiles

a drop of blood
falls from your nostril
in slow motion, exploding
 
small puffs of powder
from the off-white line
on the cistern
 
heavy gravity
in the v of dive;
it’s happy hour