Nameless Longing

[first_high_of_the_day]

I got the overall message of the poem and thought it ended well. However, I found the rhyming of this poem to be way too simplistic and sometimes just bad in comparison to the maturity of the ideas being conveyed.

Examples:
me - see
spaces - places
free - memories
lawn - song
youth - tune

This really distracted me from appreciating the poem. I think you need to get more creative with your rhyming, or simply abandon rhyming altogether.