03-13-2015, 01:04 PM
I really love this idea you have going on here about how similar a friend and an enemy can be. It's an interesting angle to tackle. I don't really love your title. Friend or Foe seems a bit cliche. Your poem also has a sing-songy feel. The end rhymes coupled with meter make it sound more like a children's rhyme and less like a poem. It is also very direct. In which case I have an idea that can help. I think metaphor can work really well here. Set your narrative up as something a bit wild. Like literally the wild. Because if we are being honest friendships and enemies can often feel like a jungle. Just very cutthroat. Potentially push the metaphor with animals that help each other in the wild, but are also in constant competition for food. A metaphor like this can be pushed even further, and there's definitely a lot of ways that you can change it up to get across the same thing. The idea I think would be to take your premise of "Friend or Foe" and give that idea a story. Suddenly that makes your title a lot less cliche because you're not directly addressing the idea of friend or foe throughout the poem. So the title paints everything in its proper perspective. That coupled with taking out the sing-songy nature, and I think you will have something truly beautiful. Great premise and go you for tackling such an interesting topic.