03-13-2015, 12:56 PM
I love your use of short lines throughout the poem. It really did feel like you were holding yourself back intentionally. The perspective of the poem was fighting this battle of dread. He/she didn't know exactly how to move on from something that was so long ago, but wanted so badly to get past it somehow. It was moving that way because it is so common among people. To regret and want to forget, yet still find yourself dwelling on issues you can't change. The poem definitely doesn't have a lot of images. It's hard for me to suggest adding more because your form and content mix so well together. Often times images make lines a lot longer and more detailed which would take away from the struggle you've presented in the poem. Since this poem is this struggle of living in the past and moving on something I could suggest would be to maybe make a metaphor to illustrate that struggle. It would keep your lines short because you wouldn't be adding an image behind every feeling you describe. But the metaphor could carry an image throughout the poem that helps the reader visualize the struggle more vividly. It's hard for me to think of something other than the cliched tug of war, so don't add that. But I would suggest really trying to get a metaphor in there that carries the poem (So the metaphor would start at the beginning and also close out the poem) that illustrated something that is tug of war like. The person in the past wants to move on yet finds him/herself sucked into this traumatic even. Find a metaphor that can illustrate that and I think your poem can be taken to an even greater level.