03-13-2015, 06:52 AM
Red white and blue the cardinal and the jay,
crows dressed in black are more fitting today.
Under ghost grey she hangs limp at half mast
as two rows of three escort him past.
Breath through the bugle her shoulders fall slack,
those twenty four notes will not bring him back.
Red white and blue is now folded by six
a gift for a loss that nothing can fix.
Very nice imagery you have here!
I really like the contrast of crows to the cardinal and the jay as it immediately paints the image in your head.
Additionally i enjoy the rythm of your poem as it feels like a song a group of sailors would chant.
This, for me, is clearly seen in the second stanza.
I really enjoyed the read!
Thanks for sharing.
crows dressed in black are more fitting today.
Under ghost grey she hangs limp at half mast
as two rows of three escort him past.
Breath through the bugle her shoulders fall slack,
those twenty four notes will not bring him back.
Red white and blue is now folded by six
a gift for a loss that nothing can fix.
Very nice imagery you have here!
I really like the contrast of crows to the cardinal and the jay as it immediately paints the image in your head.
Additionally i enjoy the rythm of your poem as it feels like a song a group of sailors would chant.
This, for me, is clearly seen in the second stanza.
I really enjoyed the read!
Thanks for sharing.