03-13-2015, 06:48 AM
Friend or foe
Don't you know
Love is weird
Typically feared
Take my call
IM giving you my all
You are the one
The one for me
Can't you see
What we have
Is so much fun
There's never enough
Enough of the sun
Times always on the run
Its always tough
Never understood why
Why its so rough
Whenever we say goodbye
Hey!
I feel like you put way too much effort in making lines rhyme
by that I mean that you change the aim of your poem just to get a nice rhyme out of this! (ll. 3-6)
I believe that this poem could be a lot better if you cut out a few lines like 10&11 13&14
these lines do not add to your poems message and seem like some sort of a puffer
Thanks for sharing!
Don't you know
Love is weird
Typically feared
Take my call
IM giving you my all
You are the one
The one for me
Can't you see
What we have
Is so much fun
There's never enough
Enough of the sun
Times always on the run
Its always tough
Never understood why
Why its so rough
Whenever we say goodbye
Hey!
I feel like you put way too much effort in making lines rhyme
by that I mean that you change the aim of your poem just to get a nice rhyme out of this! (ll. 3-6)
I believe that this poem could be a lot better if you cut out a few lines like 10&11 13&14
these lines do not add to your poems message and seem like some sort of a puffer
Thanks for sharing!