03-13-2015, 03:09 AM
qu ote='shootthestar25' pid='182082' dateline='1420266480']
10 years long, and short
to dread, rage again
against the well within
deep, unforgiving,
forgive me, I go on
Should have seen, suspected
witnessed, prepared
Oh well, What's 10 years?
except a lifetime ago
a lifetime to go
life I'd almost seen gone
Forget it, Forget what I've said
it is in the past,
My Past, past time I'd say
to let it go.
Or pretend it goes away
at least for a little while
but while I've been sulking
10 years have come and gone
[/quote]
Hi, I'm new to this so please season the unpalatable bits with salt on consumption.
Lots of this poem recommends itself. I like the pulse of the stanzas; I like that the trajectory loops back at the end of the poem to include the title.
For me the phrase 'long, and short to dread..' was unclear in meaning?
I also get the feeling that the subject of this lament is either an act that lead to the protagonist being incarcerated or a falling out between family members. I'm not keen on the ambiguity of this. Maybe if the reason for the 10 year time frame was made explicit it would add weight and clarity to the sentiment. The theme of regret in the abstract is universal but I feel this poem is more specific in focus?
I really enjoyed the intensity of the poem and the concision over all.
Thanks for sharing.
10 years long, and short
to dread, rage again
against the well within
deep, unforgiving,
forgive me, I go on
Should have seen, suspected
witnessed, prepared
Oh well, What's 10 years?
except a lifetime ago
a lifetime to go
life I'd almost seen gone
Forget it, Forget what I've said
it is in the past,
My Past, past time I'd say
to let it go.
Or pretend it goes away
at least for a little while
but while I've been sulking
10 years have come and gone
[/quote]
Hi, I'm new to this so please season the unpalatable bits with salt on consumption.
Lots of this poem recommends itself. I like the pulse of the stanzas; I like that the trajectory loops back at the end of the poem to include the title.
For me the phrase 'long, and short to dread..' was unclear in meaning?
I also get the feeling that the subject of this lament is either an act that lead to the protagonist being incarcerated or a falling out between family members. I'm not keen on the ambiguity of this. Maybe if the reason for the 10 year time frame was made explicit it would add weight and clarity to the sentiment. The theme of regret in the abstract is universal but I feel this poem is more specific in focus?
I really enjoyed the intensity of the poem and the concision over all.
Thanks for sharing.