03-10-2015, 07:51 AM
I have to agree with the others, it does seem odd that you ended the poem where you did. I kind of feel robbed because I wanted to go on the journey with you.
I really enjoyed the beginning because it was famaliar to me having experienced similar situations, having said that I think sometimes with drug poems there is a tendency to forget about the 'straight' world as it were and the fact that they have no idea what a trip is like. Not that you have done that hear but in the hope that you continue this poem (which you surely must) then it's something to bear in mind.
One other thing, the title doesn't seem to fit with the information from the poem but because you are going to write more then it may seem more apt later. But I do think that a full on dramatic title may work better considering the subject matter.
Thanks for the read, hope to see you develop it further,
Mark
I really enjoyed the beginning because it was famaliar to me having experienced similar situations, having said that I think sometimes with drug poems there is a tendency to forget about the 'straight' world as it were and the fact that they have no idea what a trip is like. Not that you have done that hear but in the hope that you continue this poem (which you surely must) then it's something to bear in mind.
One other thing, the title doesn't seem to fit with the information from the poem but because you are going to write more then it may seem more apt later. But I do think that a full on dramatic title may work better considering the subject matter.
Thanks for the read, hope to see you develop it further,
Mark
wae aye man ye radgie