03-09-2015, 07:13 AM
(03-08-2015, 04:14 PM)Tiger the Lion Wrote: frostbitten fingers
clutch keys
under porch light
If this is intended as a haiku (as 'frostbitten' which must be a winter kigo
) , it lacks the traditional haiku's two parts. While it's a solid description of woman/man interacting with nature
(which is the heart of haiku), there's no revelatory comparison, result, or aha! moment revealed
by a second part.
if you rearranged the lines it could be a haiku (IMHO) :
under porch light
clutching keys - <- though a more descriptive verb like 'fumbling' would emphasize
frostbitten fingers the revelation coming up in the 2nd part that it's cause is winter.
OR, you could even blame it on the keys, à la Issa, and use 'clumsy'. (Issa is a fav of mine.)
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions