03-08-2015, 08:17 AM
This is such a cute little poem, and with four lines you make your subject loud and clear which isn't an easy feat. 
I really like the "frock of frost" - though at the same time it tickles me to think that has female connotations, while the snowman seems to have a more male connotation.
Like some of your other readers, "grafted" wood seems strange to me as well. "Spindle" wood occured to me - in the contet of the witch in the next paragraph (sleeping beauty-esque). Grafted has an unnatural feel - not in the supernatural sense but more in the forced word/image in a poem sense.
"A witches' wand" - also interesting how the feminine creeps in again. It does seem to show an underlayer of gender-roles/gender-bias - unless I'm reading too much in to it and witch just sounds better than warlock or wizard.
Though, since "a" suggests singular, should it be "witch's"? Though the singular I imagine was for the wand? (one of those weird grammer things)
Also previously pointed out is your use of two "winter"s. While it does give a circular nature to the poem (particularly useful in giving that last of yours some closure, I feel like using winter twice to describe the setting prevents you from shaping it. You've described the snowman, but one word is all we have of where he stands. Even the hint of magic coud centre entirely around him and be irrelevant to the setting. It might be difficult to bring out within the four lines you already have, but I would like to see just a tad more impression as to the setting: is it empty? Full of life? Barely visible? Coloured? All white? etc. Little impressions you may be able to sneak in to give your snowman a little more of a context to sit in. Things like that will also contextualise the magical/supernatural element you introduced with the witch image a little more.
A lovely little poem, and I'm looking forward to seeing where it goes from here.
Thank you for your excellent comments so far/ Admin
I really like the "frock of frost" - though at the same time it tickles me to think that has female connotations, while the snowman seems to have a more male connotation. Like some of your other readers, "grafted" wood seems strange to me as well. "Spindle" wood occured to me - in the contet of the witch in the next paragraph (sleeping beauty-esque). Grafted has an unnatural feel - not in the supernatural sense but more in the forced word/image in a poem sense.
"A witches' wand" - also interesting how the feminine creeps in again. It does seem to show an underlayer of gender-roles/gender-bias - unless I'm reading too much in to it and witch just sounds better than warlock or wizard.
Though, since "a" suggests singular, should it be "witch's"? Though the singular I imagine was for the wand? (one of those weird grammer things)Also previously pointed out is your use of two "winter"s. While it does give a circular nature to the poem (particularly useful in giving that last of yours some closure, I feel like using winter twice to describe the setting prevents you from shaping it. You've described the snowman, but one word is all we have of where he stands. Even the hint of magic coud centre entirely around him and be irrelevant to the setting. It might be difficult to bring out within the four lines you already have, but I would like to see just a tad more impression as to the setting: is it empty? Full of life? Barely visible? Coloured? All white? etc. Little impressions you may be able to sneak in to give your snowman a little more of a context to sit in. Things like that will also contextualise the magical/supernatural element you introduced with the witch image a little more.
A lovely little poem, and I'm looking forward to seeing where it goes from here.
Thank you for your excellent comments so far/ Admin
When it finally snows here, I'll catch a snowflake and put it in the fridge.