Michael Green – edit 0.01 (title change)

[Erthona]

Thanks Brownlie, I can always count on you to save me from not having any critiques. I understand what you mean by the have - had problem, but as I have used the contraction of "have not" in the previous lines, have would seem to be the appropriate usage. Maybe someone more grammatically adept than I can give a verdict. Still, I do understand, my natural inclination is to write had. Thanks for all of your good comments.

Dale

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Billy,

Billy wrote : "the and then sort of makes me feel or at least makes me think that someone's talking crap and that possibly the poem is more a parody of would-be-poets. [i know i'm wrong but it's what i feel]"

well, yes and no

I would characterize it as ironic rather than parody. In any other field of pursuit one would actually begin to be some what competent after six years of study, so it would be natural for a would be poet to make the same assumption. However in the case of the development of a poet, nothing could generally be further from the truth.

In terms of this not sounding like me; the original draft of this (which I no longer have a copy of) would have been written at or before 1998, as I distinctly remember submitting in a contest. This was probably the lesser of the three poems I submitted.

Billy wrote: "and your world is so tiny and petty. this line reminds me of thor [sorry]"

In my defense, I did write it long before Thor said it in the movies.

Billy wrote: "cause should have a comma in front"

I assume you mean a hyphen?
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Otherwise I believe I concur with all of your assessments. Very good eye Billy, thanks,

Dale