Osprey

[toxic.]

This feels like it is lamentation of winter or maybe fall (that's just the vibe it gives me...)
Due to my super novice statue, I think the only advice I am qualified to give you is to keep clarity in mind.
I really enjoy the progression of nouns in the second line, but the comma's and the degree ofseparation of ideas creates a lack of cohesion in my opinion.
Please, take this with a grain of salt.