03-08-2015, 01:23 AM
(03-06-2015, 05:13 AM)just mercedes Wrote: malfunctioning lightsVery well written, I especially like the enjambment in the first stanza and the double meaning of 'off'.
whine and flicker
off once-white tiles
a drop of blood
falls from your nostril
in slow motion, exploding
small puffs of powder
from the off-white line
on the cistern
heavy gravity
in the v of dive;
it’s happy hour
My only question would be in the last stanza and whether gravity can be described as heavy. Technically speaking the answer would be no, but I found this in the urban dictionary "Heavy Gravity Pocket" so you may be using it in a sense that I am unfamiliar with.
I really enjoyed this, thanks for the read,
Mark
wae aye man ye radgie
