Michael Green – edit 0.01 (title change)

[Brownlie]

Michael Green – edit 0.01  (title change)
 
Had a friend name of Michael Green,
he was hung up on Henry Miller.
He liked to write verse obscene -- Inversion
and wanted to be a gangster poet;
long before rap
and gangster wannabees -- What image represents a gangster wannabee? This claim may be met with scrutiny unless you demonstrate it.
who put out a lot of fairy tale crap; -- Too subjective
no real life too them.
 
Michael and me, we paid our dues, -- Cliche
how can you have done that
when your eighteen
and got nothing to lose?
You haven't lived long enough;
you haven't learned the dance,
or have a gun shoved in your face -- had or have?
and shit your pants:
come face to face with embarrassment.
 
Michael would say,
"How ya gonna write?
When you only play it safe:
still too afraid of the night.
You don't wanna get dirty:
don't want to get sweaty:
you haven't learned to see beyond yourself
and your world is so tiny and petty.
How ya gonna write if ya haven't died
some… at least once?
 
Cause if ya wanna write somethin' bout life,
ya gotta die a little first.
Only the dead can write about life,
only the dead have the thirst.
So don't give me no crap, kid,
trying to talk with some other writer's voice.
I know you're too young;
you’ve got no choice.
So pay your dues;
learn from life and listen to me.

I’m a man grown - of twenty-four;
your still just a know nothing kid.
Com’on, hang with me.
I’ll teach you how it is." -- Too much quotation in this. Who wrote the poem? Where did this quote come from? I would think you would need to cite the source.
 
Now, you don’t need no grammar,
no punctuation, no caps, this is poetry man.
If someone tells you different don’t listen to their crap

and then…
 
 
 
 Erthona
 
 
©2002-2015 rev
______________________________________________
original

What Michael Said
 
Had a friend name of Michael Green,
he was hung up on Henry Miller.
He liked to write verses obscene,
and wanted to be a gangster poet,
long before there was rap,
and gangster wannabees,
who put out a lot of fairy tale crap,
no real life too them.

Michael and me, we paid our dues,
how can you have done that
when your just 19, and have nothing to lose?
You haven't lived long enough,
you haven't learned the dance,
or have a gun shoved in your face,
and shit your pants,
come face to face with embarrassment.

Michael would say, "how ya gonna write,
when you only play it safe,
and your still 'fraid of the night?
And you don't want to get dirty,
you don't want to get sweaty,
you haven't learned to see beyond yourself,
and your world is still so tiny and petty,
'cause ya haven't died, at least once.

'Cause if ya want to write somethin' bout life,
ya gotta die a little first.
only the dead can write about life,
only the dead have the thirst.
So don't give me no crap, kid,
trying to talk with someone else's voice,
'cause your're too young,
ya don't got no choice."
Least that's what Michael said.
 
©2002

I provided some critique hopefully it is useful. I know I find your criticism useful.