03-06-2015, 12:27 PM
Personally I like the "Blue" it gives it color 
Seriously though, it does. I have no idea what a blue osprey is, but I like the image it conveys.
"sailing" seems redundant.
"captured my heart" Seems a bit trite (although I don't know how it could be more trite). I have no idea what to replace it with and probably wouldn't tell you if I did, but that simply will not do. I like the overall concept of the poem, but there seem to be major revision needed, especially as regards that last line. Then again I'm not that big of a fan of these pseudo-haiku poems, or haiku, so take what I say wearily (aka "with a grain of salt").
dale
Seriously though, it does. I have no idea what a blue osprey is, but I like the image it conveys. "sailing" seems redundant.
"captured my heart" Seems a bit trite (although I don't know how it could be more trite). I have no idea what to replace it with and probably wouldn't tell you if I did, but that simply will not do. I like the overall concept of the poem, but there seem to be major revision needed, especially as regards that last line. Then again I'm not that big of a fan of these pseudo-haiku poems, or haiku, so take what I say wearily (aka "with a grain of salt").
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.