Salad Blues, winter leaves. edit 1.005,milo,billy,merc,erthona,fromcancer

[tectak]

i know this is in serious tom but no line by from me. in general each line holds the promise of a well imaged poem and in truth it seems to be. i understood all the word use [went to horticultural college when i was in approve school; no joke) the problem for me is it feels overloaded with indoor gardening, more so  than it does with the man. i want as the reader to be interested by/in this person who grows things. who creates life, how does he think what does he feel (i'm presuming he's not dead yet) i want to be more interested on the images of the poem. while they read well enough they don't really hold me. i know you prefer the longer line but for me it's restricting what the ebb and flow of the poem could be. there's no or little drama. nothing where i hold my breath or go ...yeah i get it. finally i think you could tirm some of reinforcing.

[b]This year I'll grow no greenhouse envy
no ruby fruits, or piercing darts of piping chillies,
no eggplants pendulate purple breasted.YES, that's it
Not even one great, golden star......

there's a good poem in there tom but it needs to take it's overcoat off [just my opinion]

Yes to you billy. I do write in long lines for the oft' given reason (by me) that it increases my manoeuvrability in getting that old pretender "flow" to work for me. To be honest, it is more useful in strict rhyme BUT I will defend the line length here for a different but again oft' reasoned excuse (by me )...it is more lugubrious and solemn if long lines are used. Short makes for snappy, stabbing, staccato rendition...long suits the sad, solemn and serious. Aw, the hell. I may be wrong...it happens (more and more).
I think you may have uncovered a greater truth. The metaphor has become the moment. This was written to exorcise the depressing demons of departure...not dying, just leaving. There's the thing. As soon as the metaphor involves leaving we think death. I will miss my greenhouse when we move. I don't do obscure. Jeyes Fluid to you, too.
Best and thanks,
tectak