Red White and Blue

[Deadrise]

Red white and blue, the cardinal and the jay,
crows <<should this be crowds? I was slightly confuseddressed in black are more fitting today.

The crows represent death and a crowd dressed in black. The cardinal and the Jay in their bright and cheery dress are inappropriate for the day.

though i understand that this is a military funeral, i still felt very little at reading this poem, the lines didnt bring me to any sort of emotion.  Also, some of your lines are written in dactyl, (red white and blue is now folded by six) (breath through the bugle her shoulders fall slack) though others are not.  It takes away from the rythm.  Theres alot of great directions this poem could go, if you add a meter to more lines, and maybe a stanza or two with more feeling.  Though take my words with a grain of salt

Hello hopefularahant

Thank you for the feedback, I appreciated you taking the time to read and reply.
I will attempt to add a stanza at the end that speaks of hope which could be represented by the cardinal, Jay and flag.