The Snowman

[just mercedes]

The guardian of the winter stood
with frock of frost and grafted wood.
A witches' wand he wields in hand.
The master of his winter land.

Very succinct - good imagery, although the 'grafted' doesn't really work for me. You change tense from past to present. Someone else noted the two uses of 'winter'. The third  line could avoid the word inversion by saying "He wields a witches' wand in hand." The final line is a fragment, not a sentence; you could get around that by using something like "He's ruler of this frozen land."


Notes/Original

Notes: I looked over the "new poet mistakes," and it looks like I have made a few XD.  But this one felt inspiring to me. I was thinking I could change "wand" to "want." My mom says this is a good poem and helped me to revise it from the original. I'll post it below for reference sake. I tried to be subtle in the imagery, making the reader ponder (but hopefully not too long) about what exactly I'm talking about, and then hopefully see a little majesty and personification in a child's creation.

My goal is to keep my poems short, simple and convey the message powerfully and memorably in as few words as possible.

Thanks in advance for any feedback!

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The guardian of the winter stood,
Frocked in frost and grafted wood.
With witches wand to wield in hand,
The master of his winter land.
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