03-01-2015, 03:17 PM
The first three lines are not sentences. Well technically maybe the first is, but in practical terms it isn't, as it has no resolution, no answer as to what he gave the speaker. Five and six are not sentences either.
The doctor gave to me
small blue pills and white orange caps
and promised that they’d fix my broken parts.
What all my life they thought I’d need. – What they thought I had needed all of my life
To take the crayons, and color in the lines. so that I would color within the lines.
Allowance in florescent pills. – I really don't understand this
Which I spent on papers, but not drawings. and this
The doctor took from me a spectacular spectrum of colors! The doctor pulled me from...
Electric and vivid, mingling together, pulsing and vibrating, creating an anthem or a lullaby <-- this lines needs to start with colors. Colors, electric and vivid, pulsing and vibrating, mingling together to create an anthem or a lullaby.
A feeling so profoundly joyous and melancholy that neither raucous laughter nor silent tears suit it
The smell of a vermillion rose and the tender sore from her thorn possibly "the tender sting..."
Laughing sincerely and loving childishly;
skidding a hot pink crayon across the coloring book! These last four lines need to be made into more understandable sentences.
Grammar, it's a wonderful thing. It is there to make what one writes more intelligible. One should only not use grammar if one wishes to be misunderstood.
Poetry is under the same restrictions as any other writing. The only time one should go against this, is when one has an extremely good rationale for doing so. I have yet to see such a justification.
In terms of using a capital at the beginning of each line, it died in the 1950's when it was discovered that it was no longer needed for type setting and it made the writing easier to understand to do away with it. That is, there was no rational reason to continue to do so.
Capping the start of every line and not using periods as happens in the last five lines leads only to confusion and misunderstanding, so if it is the intention of the writer to confuse and have the reader misunderstand what has been written, this is an excellent course to take.
I do like the premiss of the poem. It is one most often given by people with bi-polar disorder or schizophrenia for no longer taking their meds.
Dale
The doctor gave to me
small blue pills and white orange caps
and promised that they’d fix my broken parts.
What all my life they thought I’d need. – What they thought I had needed all of my life
To take the crayons, and color in the lines. so that I would color within the lines.
Allowance in florescent pills. – I really don't understand this
Which I spent on papers, but not drawings. and this
The doctor took from me a spectacular spectrum of colors! The doctor pulled me from...
Electric and vivid, mingling together, pulsing and vibrating, creating an anthem or a lullaby <-- this lines needs to start with colors. Colors, electric and vivid, pulsing and vibrating, mingling together to create an anthem or a lullaby.
A feeling so profoundly joyous and melancholy that neither raucous laughter nor silent tears suit it
The smell of a vermillion rose and the tender sore from her thorn possibly "the tender sting..."
Laughing sincerely and loving childishly;
skidding a hot pink crayon across the coloring book! These last four lines need to be made into more understandable sentences.
Grammar, it's a wonderful thing. It is there to make what one writes more intelligible. One should only not use grammar if one wishes to be misunderstood.
Poetry is under the same restrictions as any other writing. The only time one should go against this, is when one has an extremely good rationale for doing so. I have yet to see such a justification.
In terms of using a capital at the beginning of each line, it died in the 1950's when it was discovered that it was no longer needed for type setting and it made the writing easier to understand to do away with it. That is, there was no rational reason to continue to do so.
Capping the start of every line and not using periods as happens in the last five lines leads only to confusion and misunderstanding, so if it is the intention of the writer to confuse and have the reader misunderstand what has been written, this is an excellent course to take.
I do like the premiss of the poem. It is one most often given by people with bi-polar disorder or schizophrenia for no longer taking their meds.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.