02-26-2015, 09:23 AM
After the amount of Robert Frost I just had to study in my high school English class this is a breath of fresh air!
That being said, I have a few ideas.
So, your writing feels a little long winded, it's like you're telling me how your day was rather then blowing my hair back like you could have. I think if you took out all the fluff you would be left with a super cool poem. You can really put a dent in all that fluff by making sure you don't repeat yourself. For example, "the young child" holds the exact same value as "child" because a child is already young. Another thing, you write this from your own point of view, but the focus of the poem is the kid, which isn't bad, but I would talk less about you and more about the kid. The speaker in poetry sort of plays the same roll as a camera filming a movie.
Your on to something here, keep writing!
That being said, I have a few ideas.
So, your writing feels a little long winded, it's like you're telling me how your day was rather then blowing my hair back like you could have. I think if you took out all the fluff you would be left with a super cool poem. You can really put a dent in all that fluff by making sure you don't repeat yourself. For example, "the young child" holds the exact same value as "child" because a child is already young. Another thing, you write this from your own point of view, but the focus of the poem is the kid, which isn't bad, but I would talk less about you and more about the kid. The speaker in poetry sort of plays the same roll as a camera filming a movie.
Your on to something here, keep writing!