Black Bear

[Brownlie]

Hi, there's some sort of a movement and quasi finality here which is always interesting. You may also want to watch out for the uneven rhythm here.

Curled in this narrow space -- What is this narrow space called?
she aches from the bite of winter. - Bite of winter is a bit of a cliché. Plus a sort of atrophy seems to be the cause of the aching.

She has grown narrow and bones -- Ya, two narrows seems like a good place to fix.
protrude at her hips and shoulders.

Small inert forms tuck beneath her pelt,
their slumber soothed by diaphanous ghosts -- The limbs themselves slumber?
 that hover above the space where
 denizens await the rebirth of earth. -"the" and "of earth" seem to detract from this line. Also, and this is just my opinion, I would rather have specifics instead of denizens.

The trill of a robin, a rustle of deer, -- A rustle of deer? This seems like an illogical construction (I'm obviously wearing my hard hat here). Also the trill of a robin seems to laden when you could say a robin's trill.
the run off of melting snow down green hills. -- Green seems kind of like a lackluster descriptor even if it is the color of spring.
Inertia still aches in her ribs. -- I guess I would ask how this occurs?
Shivering dormancy she emerges into spring -- In my opinion, you certainly don't need green hills and spring. Also spring seems more temporal, maybe in the open air or something? Kinda speaking out my butt here.
where there is room to breathe.

I left some begging questions and some haphazard advice.