02-23-2015, 01:23 PM
I think I might start with "In a field of clover..." omitting rolling. It does seem that you have forced a bit, I suppose for fluidity, for example; wake to feel the sun, beat on my placid face. I think this would be best without "beat" , just " the feel of the sun on my placid face" pretty well covers the image/feel you are going for. S2l2, you could get right into the line without the use of "and" and so on. I enjoyed this poem very much, I think you could improve it with a good going over in search of forced words or phrases that very often find there way into rhyming poetry. Thank you so much for allowing my to give my opinion on this. My best to you. Holly