02-22-2015, 02:56 PM
Meter is inconsistent. Mostly iambs (although this is not consistent) , but the length varies between six a seven feet.
"Rolling in a field of clover" cliche
" the sun hides in-between" the reader is never told between what and what.
A number of the rhymes are trite. I would recommend dropping the rhyming couplets, and go for abab pattern.
Starting each line with a capital letter is purely affectation, as there is no rational justification for it, nor doing so makes it easier on ones readers.
The thesis, that war benumbs us to beauty, is a well worn story. However there is little here that is original.
Dale
"Rolling in a field of clover" cliche
" the sun hides in-between" the reader is never told between what and what.
A number of the rhymes are trite. I would recommend dropping the rhyming couplets, and go for abab pattern.
Starting each line with a capital letter is purely affectation, as there is no rational justification for it, nor doing so makes it easier on ones readers.
The thesis, that war benumbs us to beauty, is a well worn story. However there is little here that is original.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.