02-22-2015, 08:36 AM
Yes, the cliche monster has reached out and grabbed you; it happens to the best of us. It just takes time to realize--study your words, and think to yourself, have I heard this phrase before? If so, try something different to keep your poetry fresh.
As this is---it is screaming for white space and definition of stanzas And I say this one nearly all the time---i would lose the caps on each line as that is an archaic way to write...They used the caps on each line back when presses first came out so that the editor would know where to drop down and get the lines straight...in the media we use today it is unnecessary and a bit distracting.
This is also screaming for some imagery to anchor the point. Right now it is completely narrative, which can work on occasion, but most people would rather be inside the story instead of being an outsider looking in.
Hope this helps!
mel/bena
As this is---it is screaming for white space and definition of stanzas And I say this one nearly all the time---i would lose the caps on each line as that is an archaic way to write...They used the caps on each line back when presses first came out so that the editor would know where to drop down and get the lines straight...in the media we use today it is unnecessary and a bit distracting.
This is also screaming for some imagery to anchor the point. Right now it is completely narrative, which can work on occasion, but most people would rather be inside the story instead of being an outsider looking in.
Hope this helps!
mel/bena