OMG (work in progress edit 0.0001)

[fromcancertocapricorn]

With ageing sinews strained by days, hard stretched and sprained beyond repair,
out from the scream of Munch's night, comes forth the unexpected prayer. A colon might be more appropriate here, otherwise the next sentence is a fragment that doesn't make any sense.
That god might slip into the gap between a life of constant pain
and moments only salved by sleep (and even that, a dreamer's bane),
is not enough to pour belief into the analgesic pot.
Each twinge that twists is small distress. What hurts us more than faith is not
the forlorn hope that by our prayers, the agonised will be relieved
but that at best, by grimaced grace, we by forgiveness are reprieved. The phrasing of this sentence is all whacked up. "by our prayers," "at best," "by grimaced grace," and "by forgiveness," are repetitive. I would urge you to remove "at best" and "by grimaced grace," because "at best" adds little to the sentence, and grimaced grace could be removed, instead you could change "by our prayers" to "by our grimaced prayers," as they lean towards the same meaning.
Forgiven for the withered claw, the shake that marks us in a crowd,
the crooked spine, the humped-up back,the coprolalic curse out loud. I would argue that "coprolalic" is not the best word choice, it is overly complex.
Some claim a deity above who will, once called, make sick souls well;
distrust though those, the  pious few, who love their god then kiss and  tell.
Create your lord and tailor him, into a myth that all can see;
for OMG is sinful  pride...you made him yours, make one for me. The inclusion of "OMG" is completely out of place. You spend your entire poem trying to impress people with fancy words, only to counter this with a text abbreviation.
tectak
2013

I understand what you're trying to get across, but it comes across like thin coffee, weak. It's fairly obvious you have included intentionally complex words like "coprolalic," and unnecessarily complicated and repetitive phrasings, which detract from your message and make you sound like a pretentious show-off. For these reasons your poem lacks clarity. I would urge you to use the same ideas, but restructure some of your sentences, and use more direct words to improve this poem.