The Fence

[onepapa]

I watch the ghosts in the evening haze
along the pasture fence.

We built that fence fifty years ago,
my back wet from driving pick and shovel,
placing the posts exactly where Grandfather pointed.

My aching fingers like broken sticks The syntax bothers me here. I know you mean 'are like' but it doesn't flow with the next line like it should.
from stretching barbed wire in perfect lines
on posts flawlessly spaced.

He towered above me.
"Build it well," he said,
"and it will last longer than we will."

A breeze swirls the ghosts and haze away
from the glistening taut wire.

I do like the revision. I think you could improve it even more by adding stanzas (or expanding the first stanza) that really show the reader the present.  I assume that the first and last stanzas are the narrator in the present, looking at that long lasting fence built long ago, and remembering what Grandfather said about it lasting "longer than we will." "We built that fence fifty years ago" is too expository, and doesn't really let the reader inhabit the scene.

Leah,

Thanks for the critique and I like your suggestions. I pared this far too much and did not get the ending right so I have lots of work to do.

onepapa