Regeneration (Warning: explicit)

[Leah S.]

Revised:
Regrowth
of lost or destroyed parts or organs,
the always-ten-years-away cure for out modern vacuousness.
I watch this regeneration,
scrambling, scraping, tripping in search
of what we have lost.
We are the new lost generation.
Hundreds, thousands, millions of individuals
shining a light on an absence foreseen in the future: Either 'an absence foreseen' OR 'a future absence' would work better and deliver you from wordiness.
of success, of a two car garage and a family of four.
They, we, are the new howlers.
We crave:
for beatings, a fuck-up, "Crave for" is wrong. One "craves" a thing. I crave chocolate. One HAS a craving. I have a craving for chocolate, right now.
police brutality,
institutionalized racism,
an environmental tipping point,
bloated children with Giardia,
economic decline,
rises in drug use,
human inequality, Leave off "human" it's redundant.
sexist television ads,
loud and sad and reverberating alarm clocks, "and sad and reverberating" is excess. You could replace "loud" with "reverberating" but I would just leave it with "loud," or a more evocative synonym for "loud."
human trafficking,
some sense of overall injustice. We crave "some sense of overall injustice" ?
We are the modern beatniks:
like Burroughs, and Kerouac, and Ginsberg,
stuffing ourselves into a teensy purple cock ring,
with the aspiration of breaking its plastic edges through our "Hoping to break its plastic edges" would deliver youfrom wordiness again. (I hope you note that here you have excluded anyone without a cock from giving any sort of shit about anything. You could rescue yourself by sticking to "I" instead of "we" throughout.
perspiration.
The ring squeezes our vitality, turning it blue,
squeezing out white, liquid, beautiful sadness.
The tip of our cocks now write poems and novels and how-to manuals,
searching for a fight, something combative. "something combative" is passive voice. I don't think you want that here.
We beat on, now against the current of a manmade wave pool, I think 'artificial' would be better than 'man-made.'
ceaselessly, into our past, "Ceaselessly" doesn't work for me, it's too hissy for beating. Maybe 'perpetually', 'unendingly', 'endlessly' or 'interminably.' Break out the thesaurus.
sullying our creation, Sullying is too intellectual-sounding if you're going for Beat.
tying our nooses,
swallowing our pills,
slashing, cutting, bleeding, scarring our wrists,
crying into our personal sink. I don't often cry into sinks.
Fighting against all the racism and the starving children and
forcibly employed sex workers, our masses are smothered in a massive pillow,
stained with our own drool. Overwrought. Wordy. Intellectual-sounding. Screwed up syntax. (You don't really want to fight those starving children and sex workers, do you?)
We only know to proceed by rending the pillow, You've worked the pillow analogy to death, but I don't even know what it's a metaphor of.....!
nestling in it's threads and feathers, its
resting our heads, sleeplessly.

I'm sorry, but I can't think of a way to salvage this poem as is. Choose one: A) Nightmare nights drooling into pillow; describe nightmare. B) Sleepless nights smothered in Pillow of Despair (since we only drool when asleep, you'll have to forego the drool.) C) Beat rant against all the ills of the modern world. Better pay attention to the beat if you choose that one.
Carry on. Leah.