Lost at Sea

[billy]

just a bit to go on with. at present the poem feels too wide (all over the place) use better transitions or narrow it down. make sure similes and metaphors hold water.

don't be tied to the title, you can change it at any time to suit the poem.

1st Revision:

Doldrums. Deathly are dank mornings deathly? the simile has to work well in order to work. a suggest would be; Doldrums in dank mornings
like dank mornings.
Limp sails,
lungs deflated.

There is a mirror down the hall. i like the line but can't see any reason for it, for me this is where the poem starts, by doing so it becomes relevant as an opening line. the first stanza feels forced and very weak

A gray sweater
over her black gown,
seems to remove the chill why [it seems.] why not just [removes the chill]
of the frigid home.

Tempting her with reality.  no need for [her]

Joints stiff like bones,
the planks groan
in ranks that line the floors
like a ship deck.

Wallpaper reflected. Another step.

Lamps clinging
to dusty walls.
The mirror shines
down the hall.

Now in ghostly sweeps,
a visage within the crystalline sheet
appears – the sunken face,
drowned in sickly light, of a widow.

What depthless, haunted eyes.