Made of Glass

[fromcancertocapricorn]

I’m made of glass,
seen through but never seen,
my pane is clear
and invisible. First of all, the comparison to glass isn't very original, and glass can be seen, so isn't it both "seen through" and "seen"?

I give vision,
imparted through my naked self,
that light so warm
leaves me cold. "That" is an odd word choice for this stanza, "with" might be more suited. Also the juxtaposition of warm and cold is yet again little more than a repetitive platitude.

I long to be touched,
like when in those days long ago,
a child’s playful finger
placed a smile upon me. This stanza is promising. I particularly like the last two lines: they impart some sense of youth and innocence I find at home here in this poem.

But, such children were scolded,
and I was cleaned,
by chemicals
and frowns. Getting stronger. I like the use of children as relatable objects, only to have them cleaned by chemicals and frowns. Maybe be specific about the chemical's nature?

Though my being is fragile,
I have an unyielding heart,
a portal for two worlds
which I hold wide open.

The east and the west,
heaven and earth,
meet together through me,
my holy privilege. This entire stanza is pretty hackneyed. However, I find the phrase "holy privilege" tantalizing and a provacative subject for poetry.

For this I was made,
a paradox of proverbs,
profound and alone, alas..
I’m made of glass. I don't like the rhyming here. Also, I only started to enjoy the poem once you left the glass comparison, so maybe just take that out and form a new comparison.


Poet's note: There are some parts of this poem I really don't like, but am feeling a little stuck on how to improve it. I'd love to see if you can spot those points and reveal some better ideas to me. Don't hold back, I love to know my weaknesses. Thank you in advance for your time and thoughtful words.