02-19-2015, 06:33 AM
I got chills from this poem. I would recommend that you break the lines in half along the rhyme pattern to increase readability. Stanza 6 breaks the rhyme pattern as "here" and "despair" doesnt rhyme, so I would rearrange so that it rhymes. The rhyme scheme AA BB CC DD EE FF GG HH II JJ KL KL MN MN OP OP QR QR doesnt fit any scheme that I know of, but I think it could work here. The rhythm changes a lot, I would look at the lines, and try to figure out if you want to have a specific beat like 10-10-10-10 or 7-9-7-9 or something like that. It is a little distracting to have rhymes, but no beat. Very chilling.