02-17-2015, 10:55 AM
Reminds me of Frost's, "Good Fences Make Good Neighbors"
"driving pick and shovel" The full phrase would be "driving pick and shovel into the ground". Maybe it's a local saying, but it seems contrived and is disruptive to the reading for that reason.
suggestion:
My aching fingers:
broken sticks from stretching
barbed wire in prefect lines
on flawlessly spaced posts.
"He towered above me." --> He towered over me."
Towered above me, makes me think of skyscrapers or giant cranes, not a grandfather.
Release the reprise of the last two lines, this isn't from the period of the English Romantics and now that we have progressed through the fire of modernism it is no longer allowed; so excise, don't resize!
Dale
"driving pick and shovel" The full phrase would be "driving pick and shovel into the ground". Maybe it's a local saying, but it seems contrived and is disruptive to the reading for that reason.
suggestion:
My aching fingers:
broken sticks from stretching
barbed wire in prefect lines
on flawlessly spaced posts.
"He towered above me." --> He towered over me."
Towered above me, makes me think of skyscrapers or giant cranes, not a grandfather.
Release the reprise of the last two lines, this isn't from the period of the English Romantics and now that we have progressed through the fire of modernism it is no longer allowed; so excise, don't resize!
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.