2nd Annual Poems About Suicide Month

[ellajam]

I lay myself down in the snow "I lay myself.." may be saying more than you need to say. It follows from the dirge of prayer, "As I lay me down to sleep...", which if deliberate is cliche, but if not is easily improved. You know how.
and spread my arms out one last time.
My snowy angels used to glow,
now they lie dull. The cold, sublime, Why do they lie dull...what is lying dull, anyway? Help.
has numbed the last of burning pain,
destroyed what's left of joy and art.
Let snowdrifts wear the crimson stain,
an icicle straight through the heart. Some may say trite. Not me...but keep it serious. "...through my heart". After all, it's your funeral
Hi ella,
Straightforward and I like that...but not as tight as it could be. I kept comment on the "one last time" until now as it is a figure of speech and in that context, acceptable. As a piece of controlled english it is a loose canon (sic)...the "one" can never be anything else if last.
Best,
tectak


I got crimson in there.

Well thank you, Tom, I appreciate the read and the comments. Opening with a cliche, I admit the tack I took towards the prompt was meant to be cliche, hence crimson stain. I sort of like lay me down in this instance.

As I am not suicidal I am sure to be inaccurate but I imagine the prelude with some nostalgia, I will do this just one more time, for the last time. I'm not sure if I want to change it yet.

The glow and dull was meant to signify the demeanor of depression, how children glow and depressed people have that blankness about them. I'll see what I can do.

I have an icicle outside my door that goes from the gutter straight down to the deck, my heart it is.

Thanks so much, I sort of feel bad taking it so lightly after reading the fine work that followed. Ah well, not the first or last time I'm the weakest on the page, grin.