02-15-2015, 04:45 AM
"forever bouncing
from the ball of my left foot
to the ball of my right."
I don't quite get the reference here. Still riding on the bike? I guess it makes sense, but it kind of sticks out as it's the only line with only 3 verses and it doesn't really seem to be saying much about the story, just more descriptive than anything else.
Other than that, I really liked the idea here. It ends nicely. Throughout the poem I began to realize what you were saying, and it was clear and interesting at the end. Nice work. I agree with someone else who says it's a well illustrated and warm memory.
from the ball of my left foot
to the ball of my right."
I don't quite get the reference here. Still riding on the bike? I guess it makes sense, but it kind of sticks out as it's the only line with only 3 verses and it doesn't really seem to be saying much about the story, just more descriptive than anything else.
Other than that, I really liked the idea here. It ends nicely. Throughout the poem I began to realize what you were saying, and it was clear and interesting at the end. Nice work. I agree with someone else who says it's a well illustrated and warm memory.