02-14-2015, 12:58 AM
Hello,
The crux of this work is the question of what is this "it" you repeatedly refer to. There is only one moment where we have a glimpse of what "it" could be: "I eat it up like candy / knowledge is food", but that doesn't really work so well. If this is what you wanted to convey, then you've gone and ambushed yourself by making so many references to "it" but leaving such a weak explanation for what this "it" is.
The result is that this work feels empty.
I would suggest that you put some more thought into making a conclusive and compelling statement for what this "it" is that would tie together this whole work.
Cheers, S.M.
The crux of this work is the question of what is this "it" you repeatedly refer to. There is only one moment where we have a glimpse of what "it" could be: "I eat it up like candy / knowledge is food", but that doesn't really work so well. If this is what you wanted to convey, then you've gone and ambushed yourself by making so many references to "it" but leaving such a weak explanation for what this "it" is.
The result is that this work feels empty.
I would suggest that you put some more thought into making a conclusive and compelling statement for what this "it" is that would tie together this whole work.
Cheers, S.M.