02-12-2015, 07:31 AM
I have an idea, ill explain my words (i normally don't because it takes away from the point of my writing) but I just kind of like writing my poetry the way I do. It's how I think and flow when it comes to writing and this (in particular) piece is a more experimental one with some rich word usage.
Lathered of goodness like chocolate mint candy
(this line is supposed to begin the chocolate mint metaphor of the one i am proposing to and compare them to a sweet chocolate mint)
tasted like the girl scout I am inside.
(this line is the beginning of showing my lust to this chocolate treat as i (taste it) and i compare myself to a girl scout to kinda go along with the chocolate mint theme it also fits my personality if you knew me.)
The thin mint of destruction forever tempting me
(The thin mint of destruction is my way of saying and continuing my metahpor that taking a bite of this lust is destroying me how its treachorous and toxic)
I ask you to take this in reside and know that it is now.
(this line is alittle abstract, take this in reside is supposed to be me saying take this with a grain of salt. I am kinda confused with the that it is now part too now but i think i was going with that i still love this person in the present moment. Atleast its supposed to represent that.)
The pearl of disaster, a forever bond\
(this is more bringing in the relationship and how its detrimental and not so easy-going perfect smerfect)
the moment that i let you know i wish to end my life
(this is not supposed to speak of suicide, but i see where you can confuse that! It is supposed to show unforgiving unrelenting love)
i wish to end things that are just not right.
(this is supposed to say I want to fix all ailments and become a better man (nothing suicidal here))
I want to be with you and only you i will decide that this is now
(This line has some added filler in the end (i will remove) i think its just there to sound fluffy)
my career, my plans, my job, nothing is to be of desire.
(starts to bring in the self sacrifice notion to kinda solidify why i said i wanted to end my life)
Your eminence in beauty is what truly brings me around.
(sweet talk, or more like a random cliche (i might remove this line entirely))
I know that this is supposed to be a wonderful day,
(I bring this in because i want to emphasize that It is indeed a positive topic)
but I am prepared to understand that things may often take discourse.
(Things are never perfect)
I am content to believe that our bond will guide us
(Love will forever show us the way)
through thick and thin, as I plot my forever guided mind.
(addicted)
Let the one above embrace our bond as we bring things to matrimony.
(the beginning of my proposal)
Let the world know that as of now
(out loud procalmation)
I understand some things will let go
I understand to be fruitful to you
I understand it is you and not me that comes first.
(some more cliche things, just kinda building tone here)
Even the one i deem most precious shall be second.
Money is no object life is but mere turmoil decisions
wrapped around a vast blanket of deserted reigns.
(I actually like this thought right here that came to my mind. Life is but mere turmoil decisions wrapped around a vast blanket of deserted reigns. What i was going for here is a comparison that life is where people make the decisions based on rough times and needs and now. Then due to the rough times and the needs and now they often leave the main focus and change passions or careers or whatever was entitled to them)
I know that my past is my past and my present is you.
Now i have to reckon that my time is to tell you
my adorations are in such vast numbers that i wish to sail
the seas of admiration to find Poseiden himself and tell him
that things are perfect.
(I think this is kinda cliche but it felt like it matched the tone i was going for, something highly dramatic.)
Now i ask for you to be my tainted vixen in this cruel life
and forever stain my future with such grace as this.
(since i talked about my past and my present, I ended it with a reference to future. The future being this persons amazing personality and grace and forever bond.)
Basically the poem is just a really really weird wedding proposal, i was supposed to write a wedding proposal and this is just kinda the stuff that came outta my mind for the topic. I see some interesting things in here but its not really connected with each other.
As for the typing mistakes like not all the i's being capitilized i will fix that stuff when im ready to say its done. I am currently at the phase where im stuck on what to do next in content. I want to reword things and refine my wordy usage and writing in this poem but i need fresh eyes to sit down and tell me what they think. So I am hoping this site (and some friends) can help me with that.
I hope my explanation of this writing was helpful and useful to anyone who reads it and might help them to understand what i was going for. Maybe we can figure out the kinks and really get this to come alive.
Lathered of goodness like chocolate mint candy
(this line is supposed to begin the chocolate mint metaphor of the one i am proposing to and compare them to a sweet chocolate mint)
tasted like the girl scout I am inside.
(this line is the beginning of showing my lust to this chocolate treat as i (taste it) and i compare myself to a girl scout to kinda go along with the chocolate mint theme it also fits my personality if you knew me.)
The thin mint of destruction forever tempting me
(The thin mint of destruction is my way of saying and continuing my metahpor that taking a bite of this lust is destroying me how its treachorous and toxic)
I ask you to take this in reside and know that it is now.
(this line is alittle abstract, take this in reside is supposed to be me saying take this with a grain of salt. I am kinda confused with the that it is now part too now but i think i was going with that i still love this person in the present moment. Atleast its supposed to represent that.)
The pearl of disaster, a forever bond\
(this is more bringing in the relationship and how its detrimental and not so easy-going perfect smerfect)
the moment that i let you know i wish to end my life
(this is not supposed to speak of suicide, but i see where you can confuse that! It is supposed to show unforgiving unrelenting love)
i wish to end things that are just not right.
(this is supposed to say I want to fix all ailments and become a better man (nothing suicidal here))
I want to be with you and only you i will decide that this is now
(This line has some added filler in the end (i will remove) i think its just there to sound fluffy)
my career, my plans, my job, nothing is to be of desire.
(starts to bring in the self sacrifice notion to kinda solidify why i said i wanted to end my life)
Your eminence in beauty is what truly brings me around.
(sweet talk, or more like a random cliche (i might remove this line entirely))
I know that this is supposed to be a wonderful day,
(I bring this in because i want to emphasize that It is indeed a positive topic)
but I am prepared to understand that things may often take discourse.
(Things are never perfect)
I am content to believe that our bond will guide us
(Love will forever show us the way)
through thick and thin, as I plot my forever guided mind.
(addicted)
Let the one above embrace our bond as we bring things to matrimony.
(the beginning of my proposal)
Let the world know that as of now
(out loud procalmation)
I understand some things will let go
I understand to be fruitful to you
I understand it is you and not me that comes first.
(some more cliche things, just kinda building tone here)
Even the one i deem most precious shall be second.
Money is no object life is but mere turmoil decisions
wrapped around a vast blanket of deserted reigns.
(I actually like this thought right here that came to my mind. Life is but mere turmoil decisions wrapped around a vast blanket of deserted reigns. What i was going for here is a comparison that life is where people make the decisions based on rough times and needs and now. Then due to the rough times and the needs and now they often leave the main focus and change passions or careers or whatever was entitled to them)
I know that my past is my past and my present is you.
Now i have to reckon that my time is to tell you
my adorations are in such vast numbers that i wish to sail
the seas of admiration to find Poseiden himself and tell him
that things are perfect.
(I think this is kinda cliche but it felt like it matched the tone i was going for, something highly dramatic.)
Now i ask for you to be my tainted vixen in this cruel life
and forever stain my future with such grace as this.
(since i talked about my past and my present, I ended it with a reference to future. The future being this persons amazing personality and grace and forever bond.)
Basically the poem is just a really really weird wedding proposal, i was supposed to write a wedding proposal and this is just kinda the stuff that came outta my mind for the topic. I see some interesting things in here but its not really connected with each other.
As for the typing mistakes like not all the i's being capitilized i will fix that stuff when im ready to say its done. I am currently at the phase where im stuck on what to do next in content. I want to reword things and refine my wordy usage and writing in this poem but i need fresh eyes to sit down and tell me what they think. So I am hoping this site (and some friends) can help me with that.
I hope my explanation of this writing was helpful and useful to anyone who reads it and might help them to understand what i was going for. Maybe we can figure out the kinks and really get this to come alive.