02-12-2015, 06:48 AM
10 years long, and short <" 10 years long and short" also, maybe change 10 to ten, it is grammatically incorrect to begin with a number?>
to dread, rage again
against the well within
deep, unforgiving,
forgive me, I go on
Should have seen, suspected
witnessed, prepared
Oh well, What's 10 years? < I feel like this is a major shift in tone from the rest of the poem, it sounds out of place>
except a lifetime ago
a lifetime to go < Your play on words here seems a little trite and uncreative to be honest>
life I'd almost seen gone
Forget it, Forget what I've said
it is in the past,
My Past, past time I'd say
to let it go.
Or pretend it goes away
at least for a little while
but while I've been sulking
10 years have come and gone
[/quote]
As a general note, I enjoy the way you are writing this poem, but I'm not too sure about the use of commas here, it seems a little long winded sometimes.
to dread, rage again
against the well within
deep, unforgiving,
forgive me, I go on
Should have seen, suspected
witnessed, prepared
Oh well, What's 10 years? < I feel like this is a major shift in tone from the rest of the poem, it sounds out of place>
except a lifetime ago
a lifetime to go < Your play on words here seems a little trite and uncreative to be honest>
life I'd almost seen gone
Forget it, Forget what I've said
it is in the past,
My Past, past time I'd say
to let it go.
Or pretend it goes away
at least for a little while
but while I've been sulking
10 years have come and gone
[/quote]
As a general note, I enjoy the way you are writing this poem, but I'm not too sure about the use of commas here, it seems a little long winded sometimes.