A Twisted Proposal (Work in Progress)

[ellajam]

Hi, pm, welcome to The Pig Pen. Starting off with chocolate mint enticed me, but I have a few issues with the language of the poem that I will try to explain. I read your critiques and they are well written, yet here I'm finding sentence fragments and words that I just can't make sense of in the context you are using them in. I am confused. I'll take the first four lines:

Lathered of goodness like chocolate mint candy Lathered of goodness makes no sense to me, chocolate mint is yummy.
tasted like the girl scout I am inside. I am unsure what tasted like..., girl scout inside is good.
The thin mint of destruction forever tempting me I have difficulty seeing a thin mint as destruction.
I ask you to take this in reside and know that it is now. I have no idea what "take this in reside" means, or what is now.
The pearl of disaster, a forever bond
the moment that i let you know i wish to end my life
i wish to end things that are just not right.
I want to be with you and only you i will decide that this is now
my career, my plans, my job, nothing is to be of desire.
Your eminence in beauty is what truly brings me around.
I know that this is supposed to be a wonderful day,
but I am prepared to understand that things may often take discourse.
I am content to believe that our bond will guide us
through thick and thin, as I plot my forever guided mind.
Let the one above embrace our bond as we bring things to matrimony.

Let the world know that as of now
I understand some things will let go
I understand to be fruitful to you
I understand it is you and not me that comes first.
Even the one i deem most precious shall be second.
Money is no object life is but mere turmoil decisions
wrapped around a vast blanket of deserted reigns.
I know that my past is my past and my present is you.
Now i have to reckon that my time is to tell you
my adorations are in such vast numbers that i wish to sail
the seas of admiration to find Poseiden himself and tell him
that things are perfect.
Now i ask for you to be my tainted vixen in this cruel life
and forever stain my future with such grace as this.

I'm also unsure about the jump from suicide to matrimony. I also don't understand why some of the I s are lowercase. If you need some more arrows as to what seems to make no sense let me know, but I think this gives you an idea of the trouble I'm having. I'll keep reading it hoping something clicks, but so far I haven't had any luck piecing it together.

Good luck with it and I hope you enjoy the site.