02-08-2015, 10:11 PM
I'm new to this forum and new to giving critiques but I will do my best. IMHO I don't think u
need the comma in the first line. Because I'm not reading it with a pause. it flows better
with the second line without it for me anyhow. 10 years long and short to dread.
deep, unforgiving, rage again against the well within
10 years long, and short
to dread, rage again
against the well within
deep, unforgiving,
forgive me, I go on
Should have seen, suspected
witnessed, prepared
Oh well, What's 10 years?
except a lifetime ago
a lifetime to go
life I'd almost seen gone
Forget it, Forget what I've said
it is in the past,
My Past, past time I'd say
to let it go.
Or pretend it goes away
at least for a little while
but while I've been sulking
10 years have come and gone
I really enjoyed the read. Thanks for sharing.
need the comma in the first line. Because I'm not reading it with a pause. it flows better
with the second line without it for me anyhow. 10 years long and short to dread.
deep, unforgiving, rage again against the well within
10 years long, and short
to dread, rage again
against the well within
deep, unforgiving,
forgive me, I go on
Should have seen, suspected
witnessed, prepared
Oh well, What's 10 years?
except a lifetime ago
a lifetime to go
life I'd almost seen gone
Forget it, Forget what I've said
it is in the past,
My Past, past time I'd say
to let it go.
Or pretend it goes away
at least for a little while
but while I've been sulking
10 years have come and gone
I really enjoyed the read. Thanks for sharing.