Giant

[71degrees]

Giant first edit/Erthona

You would have loved my older brother.
He was tough but kind,
a giant at our school
and in my mind
I still see him with mother
stirring in the kitchen.

I used to sit on his giant bike,
the seat digging into my crotch
and my toes almost willing the ground
to rise up and meet them -

forever bouncing
from the ball of my left foot
to the ball of my right.

It's funny when I sit on it now,
knees pushed up
halfway to my cheeks,
I wonder how a giant ever rode it.


Giants

 
You would have loved my older brother.
He was tough, but kind;
a giant at our school
and in my mind
I still see him with mother,
stirring in the kitchen.
 
I used to sit on his giant bike,
the seat digging in my crotch
and my toes almost willing the ground
to rise up and meet them,
 
but bobbling really,
from the ball of my left foot
to the ball of my right.
 
It's funny, when I sit on it now,
knees pushed up
halfway to my cheeks,
I wonder how a giant ever rode it.

I like the "you"...reason: sounds like a documentary, but then you get away from it I'd like to see you follow through w/more of this. Maybe in the last line...start with it, end with it. Just a thought. Play w/it...see what you think.

Why mention it's your "older" brother? He's a Giant. Drop it from the first line. I like "stirring"...I always like double intentioned words. If you keep it, you need a comma after mother. Would also like to see you tighten "everything" and get rid of the stanzas. Might help you transition from brother to brother's bike. Reader's will get it. Bobbling is fine by me. A little kid would say that.

Fun poem.