Human

[ellajam]

Hi, feb, welcome, glad to have you on the site. You have some interesting images, plenty to work with, but I found the combination of capitalizing each line and the erratic punctuation made it hard for me to follow. Do you think either adds to your poem? If not you may want to work on that to make the poem easier to read.

And no, no explanation needed, your poem says it.

My God, do you hear
My heart thumping in lags
And stutters?
Like the melody of a drunkard’s
Midnight ballad, riveting and broken
Bolting into the bosom of night
Plucking petals and waiting for dawn’s
Sobering hues to revive me once again

Or Lord, the way I move my hips
To the wind of his moans
And shed my cocooning clothes at the
Mouth of his apartment door
Undoing and fluttering about—
A butterfly stitched
In all of his
Lusty townsman sins,

Well, do You see how
I transform into drums and trumpets
My hellish stride,
A glassy brushstroke against your holy skies
My hands a basket of all these lies
They fed me in your muddied name,
And I lost my mind dancing
Through the storm of blades
That tore my faith asunder
Once I found that I was yet again
A pawn in a religious game

God, can you hear me?
I am pain and painting
Embodied: I am art
In her rotting flesh
I am sad and depressed
I am pastel and way past
My patience,
I am wearing weariness
On my neck,
His grip has tightened
I have had enough,
Of these yellow trials and tribulations

I am your mad masterpiece!
I am art!
How come you feel nothing?


~ I don't know if any kind of explanation is necessary but I think it might be for this particular poem. I wrote this a few days ago. I was feeling feverish, angry and severely upset... By the time I wrote the final stanzas, I had been crying. I was enraged. As I reflect on it, it feels very stream of consciousness, even delirious in a way. What do you guys think? I would love any and all suggestions, criticisms, ideas I could get. I don't think it's great or anything but I specifically chose to share it because it poured out of me in a cathartic blur almost.

Anyway, I am rambling as I very often tend to. Thank you all in advance!