02-04-2015, 12:38 AM
First and foremost, I would suggest working on the arrangement of the verses. Just putting yourself in the mind of the reader and reading it out loud would help. The first line kind of just throws me off because it is abruptly cut off in the middle. The poem itself flows a lot better after the first section, but the beginning is the most important just to draw the reader in. Good work so far!

