02-01-2015, 07:16 AM
I don't mind rhyme / scheme poems, I don't...but sometimes, I think, poets are trapped in what they can present to the reader by the same scheme they are trying to maintain. Wouldn't mind seeing this one in an alternate "free verse" so to speak) form.
I also like the idea of "road kill" (relationship?) and the things one thinks about smashing and killing defenseless stupid animals (people in these relationships?) or what's left of them "after" the carnage. I live in a rural area and have been hit (I don't hit them, they hit me) three times by 150 to 250 lb deer. Not pretty, any of these times...my truck looking like it's been bombed. The analogy to a relationship is quite original. I like it. I just think it may be "trapped" somewhat by the scheme of the poem.
I like the newspaper reference (yesterday's news?) The "crossed" eyes is also an interesting image to me. Words I question that may throw off the idea: Trash? Demons? I find the last line a bit of a puzzle, also.
Overall, a compelling poem. I like it. Good luck w/it.
71degrees
I also like the idea of "road kill" (relationship?) and the things one thinks about smashing and killing defenseless stupid animals (people in these relationships?) or what's left of them "after" the carnage. I live in a rural area and have been hit (I don't hit them, they hit me) three times by 150 to 250 lb deer. Not pretty, any of these times...my truck looking like it's been bombed. The analogy to a relationship is quite original. I like it. I just think it may be "trapped" somewhat by the scheme of the poem.
I like the newspaper reference (yesterday's news?) The "crossed" eyes is also an interesting image to me. Words I question that may throw off the idea: Trash? Demons? I find the last line a bit of a puzzle, also.
Overall, a compelling poem. I like it. Good luck w/it.
71degrees