Peace

[ellajam]

Hi, River, there were a couple of tripping points for me, I'll point them out below.

Boiling milk on the skin of the seas
fluttering into a shower of tin
as the flesh of the waters tear into the shore
bathe his wrinkled feet.
The flesh tears, bathes, I believe would be correct. The water being able to tear at the shore yet bathe, which seems gentle to me, is a little hard to accept.

Walls of chalk built by giants long-dead
locked in a battle of physics and time This line set my brain to working, I like it.
with the treacherous salt of the ocean-born air
stand behind his crown.
"with" throws me off, maybe more punctuation would help me but I think you could lose it. Stands.

His eyes are closed: he dreams of peace and love.
His lips, they beam an honest, youthful smile.
His nape is resting on a blade of stone. Strong line, made me think of a guillotine.

A rainbow glides above his quiet chest. Not a fan of quiet.
The coming dusk outspreads its arc of red I think coming is wrong, the red comes with dusk, the coming of night.
over the juvenile's navel. Not a fan of juvenile's, it sounds too aloof to me.

Lots of potential here, I need more reads, just wanted to give you a few points to think about for your next edit.

Thanks for the read.