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[tectak]

Any feedback is welcome and much appreciated!




Long before scattered pages and cracked memories Poetic opener usually indicates a poetic follow up. What this line lacks in meter(or dare I say it, rhythm) is not compensated  by uncertain imagery. Admittedly, it is not possible to determine a series from only two terms but if this IS to be by some definition  a poem, then you need to convince this reader. Still, I am drawn in.
made their home in these heart-houses, Again, though I like the poetic intent in "heart-houses" I do not know what it means...and the hyphen makes me think I should. So I call foul. "These" is not definitive. I am tempted to ask which?
there was a placed we each lived,
tattered and old, yet familiar. Why the contra-conditional "yet"? "and"surely?
Before long it became a distant place, unreachable. OK. Read what you have written to a Big Issue purveyor...what, in this stanza, have you transmitted in terms of information? The abstractions are manifold. L1-When?, L2-What?, L3-Who?, L4-Where? Do you get my drift. The question begs another question which begs another until.....


Suddenly, in the midst of hurling tides that rattled my core, WHOA! WTF happened? Huge disconnect. Is this the same poem? Are you the same writer? You have gone metaphorically OTT in this stanza. "Suddenly" is a child's story-book staple. Lose it. In the induced rush caused by the word you have drowned in a sea of metaphors. Hurling tides? Wha? Wh?... no idea what this means. Even "spring" tides don't hurl....more likely creep up...er...and up a bit more. No to this metaphor. It is not clarifying
I washed upon your shores like a drunken boat at sea, Good line start if cliched....but oh my goodness what follows is a shipwreck (metaphor for a car crash). You have compared an apple and a banana without using the word fruit. You washed up on shore...how is that like a boat at sea? Be VERY careful with metaphorical comparisons. The moon was like a silver dollar...fine. The moon hung in the sky like a silver dollar...fine. The moon hung in the sky like a silver dollar,  burning a hole in my pocket...not fine
my livelihood became a mirror of what it was before Really? Er, what was it before, your career, apart from laterally inverted, that is. Huh? No to this simile. It does not clarify

Maybe this fate was written for us,
two perfect players whose webs intertwine like constellations;
This illuminance casts shadows over ever lonely corner. You are now getting tired. This stanza is complete gobbledygook.What fate? What players? Are you arachnids? What on earth (hmmmm...but you started it) is an intertwined constellation?What illuminance? In fact, what  bloody illuminance casts shadows over ever lonely corner...beats me. Kindly, please read out loud what you write and HEAR what you have written. You owe it to yourself.

Maybe we are to be blinded to all
but the universe reflected in the other's gaze.Again, this seems poetic but it is now in isolation. This IS the poem...but next, oh oh oh.

Surely you were cast upon me...and don't call me surely
with wicked spells of infatuation
to grace me with heartstrings trailing behind me,
and if I fall they catch me. cradle me, create home for me. You have now lost me and I am glad

This life has been blessed with your delicate soul,
your fire-glazed passions,
your winged mind that reaches the brim of humanity and returns unscathed.

Your radiating love compels me,
I finally return to that tattered home
with a guiding soul beside me.

Hi.
No. This is a tough subject and you have tried to  write it poetically. Love and poetry are almost mutually exclusive and only the very skilled can  carry it off....an even then when not in love.
Perhaps you should try paring this down to a disciplined write...you do not need to rhyme but just try to bring some gentle rhythm in to the piece. Avoid hyperbole and abstraction. They are poor  bedfellows. Watch out for over modification of easily understood nouns.  It becomes repetitive and loses impact.
Don't give up.
Best,
tectak